Good idea, good tune. I like it. At the same time, everything is poorly processed and mixed. Some instruments sound separate from the mix. The center drum makes an unpleasant noise. There is no integrity. The introduction sounds good. This is what I immediately heard. Hope this helps you somehow.
I am liking the idea really. The melody is quite catchy and epic.
The problems are only in mixing. To summarize, you gotta focus on your priorities in the mix and decide which element wants to sit in foreground and which needs to stay a bit in the background.
I am noticing many elements are competing against each other in terms of reverb and reverb decay time as well. I am trying to listen with my headphones but I am not sure if the mix has enough low end. Check using SPAN and compare with the bestsellers.
On another note try to automate expression and mod wheel and mess a bit with the velocities because the instruments sound a bit robotic and this is an orchestral piece, you’re trying to make it sound a bit natural.
The ending sounds a little bit abrupt, I would use some fx or cymbals at the outro part as well.
Sorry for the messy text, I should’ve organized it in a better way… I hope that is a little bit helpful.