Nice playing but the mix needs a lot of work… And the note from 0:59 to 1:17 needs to go away right now! 
The guitars are OK, but too dull, and I would cut the lead playing.
The drums need a lot of work. They need to be much more powerful.
Cool idea, but can be improved! I think you need to listen to a lot of similar tracks and really compare the sound. A good tip is to use a frequency spectrum analyzer. Best of luck.