…for me to enter the hallowed halls of the Elite! I’m sure my shiny new badge will arrive later. But today, I am one step closer to my plans for world domination. I mean, name me one supreme ruler of the universe who wasn’t an Elite author. Exactly… you can’t!
I would like to thank my family and friends, Envato, beef, Marlboro, chicken, Johnny Walker, pork, Playstation, lamb, Nescafe, the gang at NASA, bread, full fat milk, and all of my lovely customers… I dedicate this award to my adoring fans. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to spend most of the day playing Destiny 2 and sleeping off hangovers.
I’ve done some advanced, next-level calculations, and it’s looking like it might be another 18 months or so until I get the care pack at Level 8. But I have a few exciting plans in the pipes, so maybe it will be a bit sooner… If I can ever get around to easing those ideas out of the pipes and into reality.
Sure, they sell Tim-Tams and Vegemite down the local shop, so I could just go and buy some… or slip them in my bag when nobody is looking, but where’s the sacrifice, the dedication, the achievement in that? I shall wait… quietly in the shadows. Until the day comes when I can step forward, into the light, don my Elite t-shirt, hold my Vegemite jar up high, and scream to the world… “I have arrived!”
As the music plays me out, I’d like to leave you with a couple of poignant quotes from two wonderful motion pictures, that I feel are quite fitting:
"Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!"
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre - 1948
"They’re coming outta the walls! They’re coming outta the goddamn walls!"
Aliens - 1986
Now… back to work. Nothing to see here. Move along.