I think the composition is not bad on its own. It has nice movement and is not boring.
However it’s a mixing problem still:
- I would EQ and EQ a lot (almost everything).
- Reduce the delay on the guitar, remove some of the harsh frequencies from it.
- Remove the the high frequencies from the hats and snare.
- Be careful with EQing the white noise FX.
- The delay sounds weird on the white noise FX in my opinion.
- Ask yourself why you’re adding an FX vst on a channel, not just add it because it feels right or someone said so.
- At some parts the piano is not audible due to masking from other elements.
- I would remove any plugins from the master channel during the production process.
- Make sure when you are processing audio not to do it in solo, you EQ and compress and add things so the whole mix sounds coherent not because you need every element to shine.
- Last thing I can suggest is to listen on as many devices as possible (car, sound system, MP3 player) and ask for feedback before submitting not that you work a lot on a piece then it gets rejected.
I hope that is helpful and if you have any questions feel free to PM me.
Best of luck!