Hi! i think the idea is good, it’s a matter of production here, i mean, get better libraries for strings (session strings, LA string for example) and for brass (i know there’s no real natural midi brass but you can have a lot better)…i hear drums too much dry, you could try to give them some large ambience and a “slap” effect just to try…because the rhythm is very good 
Or maybe try to change the melody’s sound with another instrument
after that…well it’s a mixing thing, so you know what sounds best to you…keep balance first in my opinion…
work will be much easier with sounds that are nice already by themselves
Good job and good luck !