Well, I do believe it’s much closer to what’s expected around here but, to be completely honest, I’m not sure if it would make it through yet. Again, I’m always talking from a stock music standards perspective, the feedback below has nothing to do with your aesthetic approach or your composing skills, which you clearly have. Here are my 2 cents:
- The drop at 1:00 is a bit long in my opinion; one bar of would be enough and then dive straight into the main section. Maybe the drop and a Taiko drums crescendo roll will do the trick.
- Percussion wise, after the build up, I would definitely go for something much bolder, with more energy. Perhaps I’d try reinforcing the tambourine and orchestral timpani with taikos and lion drums. This one is free; of course, paid libraries sound WAY bigger.
- About the length, I would try to condense the composition somewhere around 2 minutes and present that as the main version. You can include an extended version and I would strongly recommend creating 1 min, and 30 sec versions too.
All the above said, though I have a handful of orchestral tracks in my portfolio, it’s far from being my field, so perhaps more specialized authors could give you a more valuable feedback. You can check my stuff here if you want.