This track got rejected and I wonder if there are some points about the mixing or general stuff with the track someone can help with.
Hey Bluemist!
There are definitely some mix issues with this track. The drums are too loud, the main theme (the harmonic part) is too quiet, the bass is too quiet.
The theme should be front and center, everything else is just there to back it up and support it. Kind of like how you have it in the second version.
Other than that, I can’t help but feel like there is one instrument or element missing from this track. Something to fill up the space. But it’s hard to say with the current mix.
Overall I think the track definitely has a good feel to it and good ideas behind it, but the execution is just a little off.
Good luck man!
Thank you SethKL. good information. I have sent the stems off to Graham, a member here, who has kindly offered to sort the problem out. your info will be a help Im sure. 
best susan.