I think it’s pretty good, like others have said the only thing that stands out to me is that the “verse” and “chorus” are a bit dissimilar. In other words, the track goes from a syncopated/percussive/pizzicato sound to a lush arco string sound a bit too abruptly. I wouldn’t say that it sounds any more mechanical or quantized than other tracks that get approved. If I was editing this track, I would try eliminating 0:32-49, and begin the chorus at 0:49, with the vocal chorus and staccato strings. I would bring up the level of the staccato strings to add some excitement and for a smoother transition from the verse, and possibly carry over the sleigh bell percussion from the verse. I would add some transitional percussion, perhaps a weak cymbal hit, something for the harp glissando to end on/lead into. I would then extend the chorus another 8 measures to compensate for what was removed, and really build it up the second time around, perhaps with some tubular bells/chimes or some other percussion. Right now the verse and chorus are a bit too even-sounding, and the verse might even be overpowering the chorus slightly because there is more rhythm. You can feel some goosebumps and magic starting to form at 0:49 - I’d build on that. I realize this is some pretty specific advice, but it’s just what I’d do.
Although I tend to be hypercritical of transitions in my own music.
